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PLACES YOU SHOULD NEVER KISS

1. In a Men’s Warehouse, not the suit store. A warehouse where they make lousy men.

2. Conservative foam party. Not right wing conservative, conservative as in the soap is rationed so no one gets too fucky.

3. On the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland. Don’t kiss while fake flying. Notice how you move over the darkness. Pay attention to tiny London. Tiny London is paying attention to you!

4. At a gun range after happy hour. Everyone you love is one bad joke away from leaving you for good.

5. In a city that doesn’t get its own jokes.

6. Um. Never kiss someone who is searching for a word and tells you they are blanking. They will think you are putting words in their mouth. It’s much worse.

7. In front of someone in Malibu with a sense of humor.

8. Inside of a literal white Russian. It must break you.

9. At a vegan BBQ while everyone compares the glisten of their fake meat sweats around the L.E.D. campfire, embracing the future, embracing a lack of joy until that becomes joy. Do not kiss them until they admit they are meat.

10. In a gay western seafood bar called Fish and Chaps.

11. You should never kiss someone who is trying to enjoy a churro. A churro is just a donut with a boner.

Derrick Brown (via amyreblogs)

Wut

raptortooth:

mybine:

lumos5001:

amazingpeetaisnotonfire:

sluttynuggets:

aphtaiwan:

johnhamishmorstan:

I don’t understand american school years what the fuck is a freshman or a sophomore why do you have these words instead of the numbers

what why would you use numbers

so IT FUCKING MAKES SENSE WHAT THE HELL IS A SOFT MOORE OR A FRESH MAN WHY ARE THE MEN FRESH

image

America makes no sense, as usual.

bless the person that actually made the chart

laughter from France

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France what the fuck

(Source: vexingholmes)

leviswaxedass:

dahniwitchoflight:

leviswaxedass:

disneydamselestelle:

scottylubemeup:

THIS WAS A CHILDRENS MOVIE

A CHILDRENS BIBLE MOVIE

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Amen

FUN FACT: in hebrew, “feet” is a euphemism for genitals.

so if you ever see “washing feet” in the bible, it, uh. yeah.

(source is my old bible class textbook which i don’t have on me anymore :( )

HOLY SHIT WHAT

I MEAN CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I REMEMBER READING A STORY IN THE BIBLE WHERE JESUS CLEANED THE ‘FEET’ OF A LADY PROSTITUTE INFRONT OF HIS TWELVE DISCIPLES WHO GOT SERIOUSLY GROSSED OUT. THEM GETTING REALLY SUPER GROSSED OUT BY THAT NEVER MADE SENSE TO ME UNTIL NOW.

JESUS CHRIST JESUS.

YOU NASTY.

#WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN JESUS IS THE ONE WHO NEEDS JESUS

THAT HASHTAG I”m—-—

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